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By Default

Jun 4 2008 | Views 607 | Comments (34)

By Default Ok, I take the blame and accept my folly. But they say its human to err? Yes that&rsquo... Expand

By Default

Ok, I take the blame and accept my folly. But they say its human to err? Yes that’s what I think but don’t believe anymore. Being human is very tough and if you are a woman on that …Phew!!!

   How could I know that I was going to lock my eyes for eternity when I sat my eyes on him? It was just a casual friendly glance but I could not revert back my heart after that. I literally felt my heart clinging to that eye contact. What was there? No idea. It was impossible to tell and it still is, even when I know him inside out.

   Readers I am Shweta, a happily married woman. I emphasize on word ‘happily’ because all marriages are supposed to be happy. You are getting your daily bread and butter, you are happy. Your kids are going to a best school, your husband’s social life is rocking (yours automatically), you smile a lot and you project an Ideal Family portrait, so it has to be happy. Not to forget sex, if your husband is sleeping with you daily then you are blessed. I was no exception. So I say that I am happily married woman.

   He is our social circle friend, let’s give him a name to make it easy. P? Ok It is P. so I used to meet him often, in all the gatherings where he was present too. Earlier when I wasn’t aware of his existence I used to feel bored and isolated in that crowd, which was always talking about jewelry, NGO’s, social charitable activities. In fact it seemed a platform to advertise their good deeds. It is not that I don’t have a heart but I wondered how could these ladies talk about this? It was like morale boosting and ego satisfying trips for them and I never wanted to be a part of that. There I met another Mrs. Social HI-FI. Well, she had a name too that was as beautiful as her face… Sanya. Her two smart and sweet kids, Natasha and Mihir were with her and I instantly fell in love with them. They were busy with a maid. Natasha was very small, maybe some months, who was blissfully sleeping in her maid’s thin, black arms and Mihir was three, naughty, cute as all kids are of that age.

   I started a causal chat with him. He told me that he loved his Papa most, that he studies in Pre nursery, that they have four maids at home, one Auntie who cooks, a gardener and two drivers. They were four people staying in the house with double the numbers of servants? I was amazed. The boy was talking non-stop and I was feeling too good to look at his beautiful face. I was pinching his cheeks and teasing him but he too seemed not to mind all that.

‘I’m sorry, he must be troubling you!’ This was a gentle voice with an apologetic tone in it.

‘ Not at all, it’s a pleasure to be with him.’ I smiled and of course I did mean what I said.

I’m P, Mihir’s dad.’ He stretched his hand. I took that out stretched hand softly, he pressed it casually and smiled.

‘I am Shweta, Navya and Manya’s Mom.’

‘But I can’t see them, are they around?’ He looked around towards the group of kids.

‘No….. Had school tomorrow, so they are home with their Grandma.’

‘How old are they?’

‘Eight.’ I smiled.

‘One is eight? And second?’

‘Both are eight, twins.’

‘Wow!’

‘What wow?’ I smiled.

‘Twins? It must be a big task to bring them up?’

‘Yeah it was. But now the tough period is over. They are grown up.’

It was a pleasure to talk to him. Time started flying and I was looking forward for these meetings, where his wife and my hubby were busy in playing cards and boozing and we both talking about how to make the little one burp and what’s the best time for her to feed and how many times? Both my daughters adored their kids. They were always ready to go to these parties now.

Then there was yearly function of the club. I was given the duty of collecting old clothes, books and toys for the orphanage from the members of club and he was in my group. Though we never went alone anywhere but it was a pleasure to be in his company.

While running around for the task that day we both were alone. He was driving and I was going inside, collecting things and putting them in car. It was the last day and members were complaining that no one came to their home. So I was running around like a frantic. Finally when I came out of the last house it was three PM. I was exhausted. When I sat in the car I was trembling. He handed me the biscuit packet and a chilled water bottle. I kept that down and closed my eyes. He opened the packet and forced me to eat.

‘Please have it before you collapse.’

‘I am not hungry.’

‘I know but you haven’t eaten since morning and your sugar level is down.’

‘How do you know I have diabetes?’

He smiled and made me eat those four biscuits. I was feeling better. I looked at him and marveled…what was in him which was drawing me towards him? His care? Love? I don’t know.

It started raining cats and dogs. He opened his car windows and started driving fast towards highway. The clouds and lush green fields started running with us. His music system was blaring at its highest volume. Not only music system but our hearts were singing too. We were happy, carefree as if this was the last day of our life. We were like kids, drenching and singing merrily.

Now my husband never did such a thing. It was ages since we went together on a long drive. If ever I wanted to open the window while raining it was always his big no. He was too fussy about his car. I was living with him but hardly feeling the life inside me. These little pleasures of life has been sacrificed every moment to live life king size. We were together but hardly with each other. My daughters never saw him in their school functions. ‘Daddy is making money honey’ was the answer I wanted to give them for their hundreds of questions, but I always ended up telling them that dad is a busy man who wanted to come but could not. Their trophies of sports and dramatic achievements were things of showcase, which were never truly appreciated except in the presence of his friends.

My kids and me, were living in that house and he was always an outsider, a master when inside home and a loving father and hubby in his social circle. His dubious personality was shock for us. But now we were immune.

And if in those circumstances I fall for this simple man, what was the big deal? But there was. We both were married to wrong partners. So folks my dreams of living like a woman, who wanted to be loved and feel wanted in her man’s life started getting shape in my unconscious mind.

    I was happy, showering my extra love to my kids. I was living, breathing a new fragrance in my life. I knew he too was feeling this euphoria. His appreciating looks on my face were a proof enough. His small little gestures of caring were enough to engrave in my heart and soul. My life started a melody of unheard music. I was walking on clouds and floating with rivers.

   That day he called me and said the words, which I was dying to hear but anticipating anytime. So he uttered those divine words

‘I like you.’ I was silent, maybe laughed nervously.

‘I love you.’ He said again.

‘I love you too’ I said with all my heart with all my sincerity and senses.

That day was special. That day I found love on my steps, which was for me. If I was getting carried away what was the problem? But now I knew there were many.

   Looking at his kids and mine, my heart started crying in spite of the happiness. We were happy no doubt but what about them? Do they deserve this pain of separation? I stopped sleeping at nights. Heart and brain was divided in two. Positive and negative. My drowsed senses were playing havoc. Love for the person who was not mine, and at the other hand a woman who wanted to live happily but she was bound.

   We mutually decided after this childish emotional attachment that we must say goodbye. That was in favor of all. We were strong at least we pretended while saying goodbye. He hugged me, it was a warm hug without any guilt. I let him hold me tightly. If that was a sin in the books then let it be. I am entitled to some sins at the cost of my own conscious. We smiled and parted. It seemed so easy. Like we dust fresh snow from the coat and walk, it seemed as simple as that. . Huh?

   So readers I fall in love by default but with my great sense of morality I stopped myself from the disaster. Everything is same, I am still happily married and a loving mother, but why I don’t recognize myself anymore? Why some strange face look at me every time I see a mirror? Why my eyes lost the sheen? Why my heart is buried deep down in the coldness of snow?

   But let’s not talk about that. This is a woman’s story, so what’s the big deal? They are there for sacrifices and crying. One should not mind that. There are better things to take care. So carry on.

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Comments (34)

promilla posted 2 mnths ago

Hi Yashasvi

So you got the morale of story? That is wonderful. in fact EVERYONE wants care and love in life and thats the only thing which you get back in hundred folds than what you give..

Every women irrespective of nation or creed is same everywhere.

Thanks for liking this Yashasvi. and for your wonderful views.

promilla

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promilla posted 2 mnths ago

Hi Komal

I am really glad that you liked this story.

Thanks a lot for your wonderful words.

Promilla

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promilla posted 2 mnths ago

Hi Amrita

Thanks a lot for your womderful words.

Glad that you liked this.

Thx for visiting too.:))

Promilla

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yashasvi2001 posted 2 mnths ago

Moral : Women need loving care ..... and so hubbies start the love care program for the wives..... recognise them... they need our time more than our credit card.....

Nice story, the way you developed the romance between the two . It looked quite innocent although the extra-marital thing was always there in my Indianized mind while I read thru......
And then the break.... morality came in between and both of them chose the RIGHT path..... or may be both of them went on the path sacrificing their pleasures for their kid's future..... BUT this happens only in India...... That's why Indian Ladies are the BEST

yashasvi

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komlet posted 2 mnths ago

promilla, i loved the story dear........it was a curious read.......i enjoyed reading the narration so beautifully put forth..........great work

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amritav posted 2 mnths ago

Hi Promilla,

A lovely story with a gripping narration! Yes the protagonist made the right choice! Very well written! Kudos to you !

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promilla posted 2 mnths ago

Hi Chanchal ji

Thanks a bunch for your wonderful comment.

It is always nice to see you at my space.

Promilla

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promilla posted 2 mnths ago

Dear sampath ji

I agree with you wholeheartidly. I know there are people who are no one in a particular manner but they are our lifeline. But there is a very thin line between falling and not falling. You never know when that line looses its sense. Balancing is what matters.

But there are certain times when this difference too vanishes and that is scary.

Thanks a lot for your detailed views Sampath ji. Its always a pleasure to hear from you.

Promilla

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promilla posted 2 mnths ago

No I did not watch that movie but we can see things happening around us. people living the unhappy life and dying finally. Some really just breath just to work their lungs without an iota of positivness towards life. It is scary.

But i wish atleast whatever way they choose they should feel happy and make happy people around them.

Thanks Ashu for your very strong views on this.

Cheers!!

Promilla

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