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No, I Did Not Love Her – Part II

May 20 2008 | Views 825 | Comments (18)

No, I Did Not Love Her – Part II http://promilla.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/05/no-i-did-not-... Expand

No, I Did Not Love Her – Part II

http://promilla.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/05/no-i-did-not-love-her.htm (Link - Part I)

‘I love you Kabir.’ These were simple words but it hit me like a bullet. Love? The sincerity of her words was disturbing. The words were so powerful that I felt my heart sinking. Love? But I never loved her.

‘Love?’ I said loudly.

She looked at me, smiled and kissed my nose.

‘Yes love, I started loving you the moment I sat my eyes on you, and I know you too love me.’

With the happiest expression on her face she hugged me tight. I felt suffocated. I wanted her to leave. I wanted myself to forget about what happened between us.

After this incident her visits increased, she lost no chance to see me or come to my room. But I never touched her again. She talked a lot about our future, about marriage but I was least interested. My lust for her was turning into fear. I was happy to leave India for studies. I wanted to go away from her. Forever.

After landing in London I got her first letter after six months. I could not understand what she was writing.

Kabir

There are times when we are physically present at some place, but our mind is wandering here and there. Most of the times we react but often forget what we said or heard. It is strange, but happens most of the times with all of us.

I want to share something very unusual with you today, you might laugh or think I am mad but I don’t care. There are some places and times, where I was with you, and they still come to my mind with such force that I almost think I am there again, living that moment! We have often heard of ghosts, haunted places, some of us believe that and some do not. But tell you the truth now I believe it. Let me explain. I think I won’t be able to make you understand but I must tell you.

First of all, there is that road where we often used to go and sit on that bench and talk. That road, always flashes in my mind and whenever I pass through that road, something goes out of me, it is such a strong feeling that I feel exhausted, lost and lonely that I literally stop thinking of anything. There is such a vacuum that everything looses its sense. It is such a heart wrenching feeling that I can’t even explain!

Then, there is your room in your house. I just sometimes SEE myself there! Crying, laughing, making love, sad, alone, searching for you. It is giving me goose bumps to even talk about this. The road, where we used to go for the morning walks that too. Sometimes I SEE myself there, alone, roaming around. What is this Kabir? Can you explain?

I was thinking about this thing constantly, and I came to this conclusion that those were the times, when I was with you physically but more than me, it was my soul. I was not a body, I was a soul too. Body came back, but soul still goes there, to find you. I know when I die, these places will never be free of my presence. It is scary but true.

These are some unexplainable questions, which do not have answers, but strange they are!

Binita

Now what could I think of this crap? I never replied her. Life was beautiful and I wanted to enjoy that without any past baggage. She was a past and I must get her out of my system. I was determined. So that day I agreed to meet Sophia. We were hand in hand walking towards Thames. We were happy and I was dating first time, so was little excited. We both were little high on Gin and Vodka. She pulled me in her arms and I hugged her back. Holding her arm we kept on walking in that freezing temperature. Suddenly I heard the sound of something very familiar, I looked at her hands. She wasn’t wearing any bracelet or bangles. But I was sure I touched an armful of bangles and heard clearly their sound.

Too much of alcohol in my system maybe? I shrugged my shoulders and kept on caressing her arms. She invited me to her apartment. I was too happy to oblige. She had a nice den, better than my bachelor’s pad. Throwing her bag and shoes she went to fix some drinks. I reclined there on the sofa and started looking around. Some pics were on the side table. Mostly it was Sophia with her dog, with her sister maybe and alone. Man wasn’t she beautiful? I picked one of her pics and dropped instantly. . Binita? It was Binita’s pic! But how?

‘What happened?’

Sophia came running and picked the pic. Glass was shattered into pieces.

‘Whose pic is this?’ I pointed towards her hands. She looked at it and then at me.

‘Kabir this is me!! What’s wrong with you?’

I snatched the pic from her hands and saw it closely, of course she was Sophia. Something was wrong with my senses. Sensing my mood she handed me a drink and put a soft music on. We started dancing. Touching her soft hair, I inhaled her scent deeply, she smiled and put her arms in my neck, arms full of bangles, making lots of noise. I passed out.

When I opened my eyes I saw Sophia ready to leave for work. She seemed agitated. I too got up and we left the place in silence. I did not go to work but straight went to my den. I called home and spoke to Saba and mother. I still was dazed. Is she dead that’s why she was with me?

After usual talk I asked Saba about Binita. Saba shouted on full pitch.

‘Yeah Bhaijaan, she is fine and is here with us. You wanna talk?’

‘No…OK let me talk to her.’

‘Hi… ’ This was first time I heard her on phone. Her voice was like whisper. I felt angry. I wanted to shout at her, but checked myself.

‘Where were you today morning?’ I growled.

‘What time?’ She seemed tense.

‘Around 4.30 AM.’

‘Sleeping in your room, as Ma Papa are out of station.’

‘Why are you doing this?’ I hissed, literally gritting my teeth.

‘But what?’

I knew I was making fool of myself. I just threw the receiver and sat with head in my hands. This was indeed drinking. I mixed drinks maybe because of that? I slept for whole day a dreamless sleep.

To be continued…..

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Comments (18)

promilla posted 3 mnths ago

Hi Ashu

Don't worry I won't let him.

Thanks for loving it...no more suspense..today is the last n final part.

promilla

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ashualec posted 3 mnths ago

hahah, Good that Kabir is not able to have a nice time with any other female , ....loving it

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promilla posted 3 mnths ago

Hi Poonam

Coming up is....the end.

I know but it was too lengthy to go in one go ..that's why parts..

Today evening ..last part is coming..till then ...seeya

Stay tuned

promilla

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promilla posted 3 mnths ago

Hey Bird watcher Pranni Yashasvi

Kabhi to serious ho jaya karo:(

Pls show a lil more patience...just one more to go and then you can comment ...

every comment means a lot and you know that.

Romance definately but deadly....dunno.

It is a psychological thriller romance maybe...hehehe

Stay tuned.

promilla

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promilla posted 3 mnths ago

Hi Sweetz

You know what sweetheart...I love elobrate comments where reader pour his/her heart. this shows that your story has been read.

Thanks for liking the most complicated thing of the story that letter. Twists are important to create...hehehe this way readers are glued.

Love is starnge....and my psychological background forced me to write this. hehe..

thx for being there

Love

promilla

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promilla posted 3 mnths ago

Hi Madhu

Noooooway!! I can't snatch their bread n butter

Just one more to go.