Contrite



The flying book straight landed on her shoulder.

Oops! Addy ran like a horse and was disappeared within a second and I was there in front of a live wrath …who was looking straight into my eyes…I shuddered.

‘Mom.. it was not me..’ With a non-convincing tone I tried to explain.

‘He threw that, he wanted to hit me, see here! (Pointing to some lost scar) here he poked the pencil.’ What a pathetic voice!!! I cheered myself silently.

She was there, hands behind her back, looking dangerously cross, why isn’t she shouting? This is not normal. Oh God!! I think today is not my day. I have to do something…fast.. before she lands herself on me with all her ammunition.

‘This is not fair, he always is spared even after hitting me. If I do something in retaliation, all of you start lecturing me.’ Bravo, I was crying.

Still, no reaction. Big trouble Babes!

‘What is this Mom, why they shout like this, I can’t even study.’

Now this was what I needed that time! She there with her usual stuff of complains, looking accusingly at me. Meena kumari..the tragedy queen of silver screen!!!I hate you D.

'Why you take panga with him Sup? He is younger than you. A baccha but you are sensible.. I wonder how could you be like him.’ Nodding her head here and there, picking up strewn books she was looking at me again. I looked at her with hatred, she looked at me and with a sly smile and winked. I widened my eyes at her, but alas… mom saw it.

Slowly she came to me and…. Stopped in front. She was too close man!!… I started backing up…until there was no place to go further. A wall…damn the wall!! My hands automatically came in defensive position in front of my face, awe…what if she hits me?

‘Listen..Sapna… last warning this is…If you are going to continue this in your vacations, we are going to send you to Pune. Alone.’ OMG! I could see her beautiful eyes so closely that they seemed…hmm… horrible. Oh God!! Please forgive me but isn’t she looking like a frog? With popping eyes!! I diverted my eyes just to stop the laugh which was about to burst… me and my horrible imagination….hehe…Frog…with popping eyes!!! How can I think such a mean thing for my mother? Bad..very bad.


But Pune hit like a bullet, Ohh..no… sometimes I really wonder..Is she really my mom? Or she had picked me from some “Kudhe ka dher.” I don’t know why this Kudhe ka dher is always in my imagination, and if I try to make it better in one of my cheerful moods…it became 'Mandir ki seedhiya.' Maybe my never-ending love for Hindi movies? I really don’t know. But it was the most pathetic thing to even think of.

But now the problem was Pune! Madhu auntie’s place….to that big house where ghosts live? No way. All the cousins, younger or elder agreed that the house was haunted. They swore that they had seen ghosts…and those who had not seen had heard them! It was a big house, surrounded with a huge ground. Many trees of mango, Neem, and what not was there but the main were Banyan trees with roots hanging from all the sides. Many of the cousins claimed that they saw Ghosts there. I think I was the only one who had not seen anything and heard nothing. But that did not make it less haunting.

It was a huge house where Auntie stayed, with her two big dogs, and Uncle Josh and of course the ghosts, happily. No one was ready to spend even one day there. And my mom was thinking to send me there? In my vacations? Anger started building up in me. But that time my saying sorry could do wonders.

‘I’m sorry mom, I overreacted, because he was disturbing me so much. But please don’t send me to Madhu auntie pleasssse.’ I said seriously. Crying and pleading or being pathetic did not work so now this was the only thing---Shoot the truth and live happily for time being.

Before seeing her reaction after my saying sorry, my eyes caught Addy, behind the door, only his head in fact, his body was not visible, only the head with a smile on his face and a deep satisfaction in his eyes. My head turned to D, she was smiling too, with a champion’s expression on her face.

'Kill you all…' I swore under my breath. But mom was just there in front of me, so had to pretend that I meant every word of what I was saying.

‘Sapna, you are under watch of Divya and me for one week and if you don’t behave yourself, you will have it. Now clean the mess’ she turned to D, ‘stop Divya, let her do it.’ Without mincing words she gave the final verdict.

With hatred in my heart and tears in eyes I started cleaning the room. I am not gonna do anything wrong… I must not do anything to make her angry. I didn’t want go to Pune, to that haunted house. Best way of avoiding both of them was just ignore. I’m not going to talk to them. No playing video games with Addy, and no exchanging stuff with D, verbal, virtual or real.

The day passed quietly. I did not pay any attention to them. Instead I helped mom in kitchen. Made a cake, but did not eat. I was on diet but when mom looked at me with those Frog …oops!! Eyes, I took a big piece and ate it sweetly, without grumbling about the calories. I could feel the undercurrent, but was least bothered. It is juz one week!! I’m not gonna take any chance. Two days passed without any tension. Mom seemed happy and I too tried to look one, but tell you, I was fuming from inside. Addy tried his best to provoke me, and D was also at her best ‘care a damn attitude.’ I was looking for some opportunity to put her at my place. I wish she could go to Pune to that haunted house and never come back. And I got an idea.

D was getting ready for some party. What the hell is that? She was the only one amongst us who was allowed to go to the parties. So what she was 18? I too was almost sixteen….well another three months and I too will turn sixteen. But no I wasn’t allowed for any party except two or three birthday parties, which should finish by seven PM at the most!! Shucks!!

Very sweetly I handed a new top to D. That was the best I had and it was new. When we all were shopping D liked it very much but sensing her liking I grabbed it. She could not say anything and I got that top. She was wearing a tapered jeans… and this would go with that. She was surprised. She smiled ..like an idiot. You know I felt a pang of guilt, but what the hell…why should I think about that? I wanted her at my place and that too with a proper, foolproof planning.

‘B..but why are you giving this to me?’ Oh gawd… I’m so mean. I smiled sweetly and said

‘D..you look beautiful in this. I know.’ I made sure mom heard this.

Addy stopped reading, with a surprise in his eyes he was looking at me. Mom was outside the room, but I sensed she stopped to hear more.

‘I am sorry D, I know I am very bad. But I mean it..please wear this.’ She took that and with thanks, she turned to change it. Mom came inside, gave me loving looks and hugged me. My heart fluttered…but I must not feel weak.

D went with her friends of course with instructions to come back by 10 at the most. I smiled…Naah…laughed… now D it’s your turn to be where I am right now.

When mom and dad were watching T.V. I sneaked to dad’s bar. Took the bottle and came to my room. My brain was working fast. I just have to pour that on her clothes and rest would happen on its own course. Satisfied I had dinner, talked a lot and even played a video game with Addy. Now I was waiting for D to return.

It was ten. I was waiting for the drama to unfold. The bell rang. Oh she is back. I sweated.

No..it was a phone…

Dad took it and there was no sound..

He said hello … and then nothing…

Mom came out, Addy and me were there, we saw dad shiver and wavering…

We saw mom taking the receiver…

We saw them running…to porch with tears flowing from their eyes…

I saw sitting them in car and telling me to take care till they return.

Addy was shivering, holding me tight… I was shocked. Nothing was registering in my mind. Accident.. word was hitting hard again and again and I was desperately trying to ignore it.

It all passed like a picture in front of eyes. Mom coming late from hospital, pacing whole night in her room….

Coming to our room at night, hugging us tightly …sometimes we were not able to breathe…

Dad coming any point of day….caressing our head…..looking so distraught and lost….

Mom talking to us in whispers as if she was going to save all her energy for prayers….

Addy and me…crying…wiping our eyes just to show them that we were not crying…

No one was able to register the fact that D was critical…but all of us desperately wanted her to come home…safe.

Days were living hell for me. D was serious….doctors were trying their best, mom and dad were in the hospital most of the time and I was looking after everything at home like zombies.

I cleaned D’s wardrobe, saw li’l cards written for me, read her dairy..( I knew it was bad but I wanted to know)

Going to get a Guitar for Sups! With my pocket money, for her 16th Birthday. Hope she doesn’t bang it on my head, Lollz..

Why she is behaving the way she is not supposed to do?

I love to be like her, with her straight hair and dusky complexion.

She is cool Jesus… I envy her sometimes, but am proud that she is my sis.

Rahul was asking about her.. I will kill him or anyone who bother her…she is juz a kid abhi.

She bakes best cakes in the world…even better than mom..

She is the sweetest thing in my life…wish she is more concerned towards me.

Me and Addy planning for her sixteenth birthday party .wow!!! a surprise party!!


Tears were flowing and making my vision blurred, but I had to read that. I shut it when I could not take it any more. I hugged Addy and we both cried our heart out. Then I did something, which I never did before in my life. I went to pooja ghar and requested god to save her. I knew she was in the ICU because of my ill wish. I said sorry to god. I was. I could do anything to get her back home.

It was the fifth day when mom called from hospital… I did not hear what she was saying… I was deaf.. I frantically called Addy…..and told him to receive the call.. My li’l bro behaved in the most matured manner, better than I did. He was crying and smiling at the same time, but listening attentively what mom was telling him.

Then he looked at me, opened his arms and like a child cradled me. I was dumbstruck, I wanted to know… I looked at him ..he smiled.. ‘She is fine, they have shifted her to room and today we can go to see her.’ These were the most beautiful words I ever heard. We hugged and danced together, cried and laughed together. I cleaned her room, and made a beautiful card of ‘Get well Soon.’ And we both waited for them to take us to our eldest sis. I had to say a big sorry and I wanted to love her like I never did before.