RAINBOW IN MY GARDEN
RAINBOW IN MY GARDEN
‘But why you are fairer than me?’’ There was a complaining tone in the voice and some wonderment too.
‘Because I take bath three times a day and I use soap too.’ It was a no non-sense reply.
‘I too take bath three times and use soap too.’ Again that complain and some sadness too.
‘I know why is it so… you both look at my skin. It is brown but I don’t mind that.’
‘OK you tell us why is it so?’’ both came closer to the third one and looked in anticipation at her.
‘’Because God was playing with colors when he was making us and some colors fell on the ground. He was confused so he made all the kids in white, browns and so on.’’
‘How do you know this?’ I was sure they believed her.
‘I know everything because I m the eldest of you all.’ This eldest was a seven-year-old.
‘Hmmmm….’ Came the reply.
‘I hate this brown color, I want to be like Eeena.’ It was Meena my six year old.
‘I like my color but wanna be like you.’
‘You both are whiter than me, that’s why you don’t want to be like me.’ It was Deeka, the youngest one who was four.
I could sense the sadness in Deeka’s voice, so I got up from my studio and came into the room where they were playing. They were happy to see me.
‘Ma…..Cookie time?’ They hugged me. Their beautiful faces were shining with happiness as my face glowed at the sight of them.
“Yeah milk-shake time and cookies too but before that I want you all to accompany me to garden.”
‘Ma should we take our umbrellas?’ It was wise of Meena to ask that, because it was drizzling outside.
‘No sweethearts, lets play in the rain today.’
‘Yiiipeeee….’ They shouted in unison. House was full of their laughter.
Three girls, and me, holding hand and with their non-stop chatter, moved to the huge garden outside. Everything looked so clean, pure and beautiful. Flowers were in full bloom. The flowerbed with different colors looked more vibrant and lively in that rain. I stopped by its side and called them. They came running and stood by me.
‘Can you tell me the name and the color of these flowers, Enna, Meena, Deeka?
‘Yeesssss… This purple flower is daisy…’
‘Wait wait… not like this Deeka, I will ask you one by one.’ This over enthusiastic group was tough to control.
‘Ok Mama… ask….’ They said in unison.
‘Meena which flower is that?’ I pointed towards a bright yellow one, which was swinging merrily on its branch and resembled these three.
‘Ma that is Beach Sunflower’ Meena said with confidence. The raindrops were blocking her vision, so narrowing her eyes she saw it again and smiled.
‘Excellent Meena’ their little hands joined in a clap.
‘Enna…, which is that one?’ I held her and guided her vision towards that creamish small little flower, which was fresh and gay.
‘Mama that is TickBlue Dawn’ she turned towards me for approval. I hugged her.
‘Yes honey it is’ they again clapped.
‘Now Dekka, you tell me sweetheart, which is that one’ I pointed towards that beautiful one which was so bright after a shower.
‘This is Lily Ma.. Isn’t it?’ wiping the raindrops from her eyes she asked in a little voice.
‘Yes angel that is ‘ I hugged them in my arms again. They all were wet with rain, smelling so fresh.
‘Now the toughest one…kiddies…which is the most beautiful?’
They all started to say something but stopped, again they decided upon one but could not decide.
‘That sweetpea. .err… no..’
‘Bela.. rose… hmm.. and…’
‘Pink … … bougainvillea …noooo
‘Mama all are beautiful…’ finally that reply came from all of them.
‘Exactly my angels, these are all God’s creations so all are beautiful, with their different colors, size and fragrances. Just like you. So it is hard to tell which is most beautiful.’ I winked at them and they all burst laughing.
My fingers were turning blue, holding the iron rod of the bed. I was trying hard to control my cries. “It is just matter of some more minutes Ashi’’ I told myself. Doctor was constantly telling me to push harder. I was trying my best, profusely sweating. The heartbeat, which I was hearing and feeling last nine months, would shortly be in my arms. The toes and fingers, which I tried to hold thousands of times, would be in real to count and hold. The head, which gave me so many sleepless nights with its weird positions in my womb, would be soon in my arms to caress and kiss. I smiled despite of that tormenting pain.
‘I waited so long for you my baby.’ I whispered, ‘please come soon now.’’
And with a huge cry she was born. Too exhausted, I tried to see her but doctors put her away in a hush. I closed my eyes and was asleep with a great satisfaction. My angel was born.
Everything after that passed like a dream. I did hold my angel in my arms but ….lifeless. I tried to wake her up with whispering calls and hoarse shrills but She was far away from my world. Why did she come then? I was too dazed, too deep into pain. No questions, no answers. She was listless, lifeless.
Life was not same after that. Six years were passed and I lost hope. Then I was pregnant again. This time I was over cautious of everything. Nothing should go wrong this time. I was living in guilt for things that I never did. I was feeling responsible for her untimely demise. But destiny played the same cruel joke with me again and God was looking like a mute spectator. Fighting with my pain and bouts of depression, I was almost drowning myself to slumber of death slowly where I wanted to meet my two girls.
It was one of those darker moods when I was cursing everything, throwing things, banging doors, when the doorbell rang. It was raining heavily and there was no power. Pitch dark everywhere, but inside me it was a void which had no color left now.
Who could be at this time? I looked at the side table clock it was 12.30. Mid night. Veer was sleeping blissfully after a hectic day, thinking that I was sleeping too after that heavy sedative tablet. Not knowing that I stopped having them when they stopped working all together.
I headed towards door and opened. A gush of cold air wafted inside, chilling my bones. No one was there. Absolute darkness and the only sound of rain, and rustling of leaves. I tried to see in the dark but could not find anything. Suddenly I heard something, ……a sound that I had heard long back. I started shivering, but put all my senses to the sound. A baby was crying…exactly the same sound when she was born to go away. I could only remember her only sound, which refused to go away whenever I tried to push it away. I felt my breast swelling and wetting my blouse. Frantically I searched for the sound and saw her lying on the car in porch. She was crying bitterly and trembling when I held her in my arms. I was so mad that I did not see who brought her here. Whoever he or she was knew that I wanted a baby and maybe she was not in position to keep her or whatever. I was not seeking any logic or reason that time.
Closing the door behind I wrapped that tiny body in my arms and put her to my breast. Whatever was happening was so natural and spontaneous. I was a mother and she…my baby.
When I opened my eyes I saw Veer pacing the room, and that tiny bundle in his arms. It was a scene to cherish and behold. I slept after ages like a log and that too without any sedative.
F.I.R and tons of formalities later, Meena was officially our daughter. Within a year we adopted Enna whose parents died in terrorism attack and this poor girl was left homeless. My life was complete. I thought so..untill….
It was a beautiful morning, kids were playing in the garden. Veer was getting ready for the office and I was in the kitchen, when phone bell rang. Veer picked the phone.
‘Hi, Rizvi…’ Rizvi was D.I.G. and our family friend.
'yeah…oh..’
‘OK..lemme ask her,’ I was standing besides him, he looked at me, with a smile in his eyes and said in a very soft voice.
‘Again..one more…a gal…what say? We looked at each other, and smiled we both knew the answer.
I called the kids and told them about our new member. They were excited more than we were. Thus, Deeka entered our paradise and made it more vibrant and lively.
This was my heaven, which my God refused to give me. This was self-sent gift to myself, when He snatched everything from me. These were my blessings that I showered upon myself when He was bestowing His mercies on the world.
‘But why you are fairer than me?’’ There was a complaining tone in the voice and some wonderment too.
‘Because I take bath three times a day and I use soap too.’ It was a no non-sense reply.
‘I too take bath three times and use soap too.’ Again that complain and some sadness too.
‘I know why is it so… you both look at my skin. It is brown but I don’t mind that.’
‘OK you tell us why is it so?’’ both came closer to the third one and looked in anticipation at her.
‘’Because God was playing with colors when he was making us and some colors fell on the ground. He was confused so he made all the kids in white, browns and so on.’’
‘How do you know this?’ I was sure they believed her.
‘I know everything because I m the eldest of you all.’ This eldest was a seven-year-old.
‘Hmmmm….’ Came the reply.
‘I hate this brown color, I want to be like Eeena.’ It was Meena my six year old.
‘I like my color but wanna be like you.’
‘You both are whiter than me, that’s why you don’t want to be like me.’ It was Deeka, the youngest one who was four.
I could sense the sadness in Deeka’s voice, so I got up from my studio and came into the room where they were playing. They were happy to see me.
‘Ma…..Cookie time?’ They hugged me. Their beautiful faces were shining with happiness as my face glowed at the sight of them.
“Yeah milk-shake time and cookies too but before that I want you all to accompany me to garden.”
‘Ma should we take our umbrellas?’ It was wise of Meena to ask that, because it was drizzling outside.
‘No sweethearts, lets play in the rain today.’
‘Yiiipeeee….’ They shouted in unison. House was full of their laughter.
Three girls, and me, holding hand and with their non-stop chatter, moved to the huge garden outside. Everything looked so clean, pure and beautiful. Flowers were in full bloom. The flowerbed with different colors looked more vibrant and lively in that rain. I stopped by its side and called them. They came running and stood by me.
‘Can you tell me the name and the color of these flowers, Enna, Meena, Deeka?
‘Yeesssss… This purple flower is daisy…’
‘Wait wait… not like this Deeka, I will ask you one by one.’ This over enthusiastic group was tough to control.
‘Ok Mama… ask….’ They said in unison.
‘Meena which flower is that?’ I pointed towards a bright yellow one, which was swinging merrily on its branch and resembled these three.
‘Ma that is Beach Sunflower’ Meena said with confidence. The raindrops were blocking her vision, so narrowing her eyes she saw it again and smiled.
‘Excellent Meena’ their little hands joined in a clap.
‘Enna…, which is that one?’ I held her and guided her vision towards that creamish small little flower, which was fresh and gay.
‘Mama that is TickBlue Dawn’ she turned towards me for approval. I hugged her.
‘Yes honey it is’ they again clapped.
‘Now Dekka, you tell me sweetheart, which is that one’ I pointed towards that beautiful one which was so bright after a shower.
‘This is Lily Ma.. Isn’t it?’ wiping the raindrops from her eyes she asked in a little voice.
‘Yes angel that is ‘ I hugged them in my arms again. They all were wet with rain, smelling so fresh.
‘Now the toughest one…kiddies…which is the most beautiful?’
They all started to say something but stopped, again they decided upon one but could not decide.
‘That sweetpea. .err… no..’
‘Bela.. rose… hmm.. and…’
‘Pink … … bougainvillea …noooo
‘Mama all are beautiful…’ finally that reply came from all of them.
‘Exactly my angels, these are all God’s creations so all are beautiful, with their different colors, size and fragrances. Just like you. So it is hard to tell which is most beautiful.’ I winked at them and they all burst laughing.
My fingers were turning blue, holding the iron rod of the bed. I was trying hard to control my cries. “It is just matter of some more minutes Ashi’’ I told myself. Doctor was constantly telling me to push harder. I was trying my best, profusely sweating. The heartbeat, which I was hearing and feeling last nine months, would shortly be in my arms. The toes and fingers, which I tried to hold thousands of times, would be in real to count and hold. The head, which gave me so many sleepless nights with its weird positions in my womb, would be soon in my arms to caress and kiss. I smiled despite of that tormenting pain.
‘I waited so long for you my baby.’ I whispered, ‘please come soon now.’’
And with a huge cry she was born. Too exhausted, I tried to see her but doctors put her away in a hush. I closed my eyes and was asleep with a great satisfaction. My angel was born.
Everything after that passed like a dream. I did hold my angel in my arms but ….lifeless. I tried to wake her up with whispering calls and hoarse shrills but She was far away from my world. Why did she come then? I was too dazed, too deep into pain. No questions, no answers. She was listless, lifeless.
Life was not same after that. Six years were passed and I lost hope. Then I was pregnant again. This time I was over cautious of everything. Nothing should go wrong this time. I was living in guilt for things that I never did. I was feeling responsible for her untimely demise. But destiny played the same cruel joke with me again and God was looking like a mute spectator. Fighting with my pain and bouts of depression, I was almost drowning myself to slumber of death slowly where I wanted to meet my two girls.
It was one of those darker moods when I was cursing everything, throwing things, banging doors, when the doorbell rang. It was raining heavily and there was no power. Pitch dark everywhere, but inside me it was a void which had no color left now.
Who could be at this time? I looked at the side table clock it was 12.30. Mid night. Veer was sleeping blissfully after a hectic day, thinking that I was sleeping too after that heavy sedative tablet. Not knowing that I stopped having them when they stopped working all together.
I headed towards door and opened. A gush of cold air wafted inside, chilling my bones. No one was there. Absolute darkness and the only sound of rain, and rustling of leaves. I tried to see in the dark but could not find anything. Suddenly I heard something, ……a sound that I had heard long back. I started shivering, but put all my senses to the sound. A baby was crying…exactly the same sound when she was born to go away. I could only remember her only sound, which refused to go away whenever I tried to push it away. I felt my breast swelling and wetting my blouse. Frantically I searched for the sound and saw her lying on the car in porch. She was crying bitterly and trembling when I held her in my arms. I was so mad that I did not see who brought her here. Whoever he or she was knew that I wanted a baby and maybe she was not in position to keep her or whatever. I was not seeking any logic or reason that time.
Closing the door behind I wrapped that tiny body in my arms and put her to my breast. Whatever was happening was so natural and spontaneous. I was a mother and she…my baby.
When I opened my eyes I saw Veer pacing the room, and that tiny bundle in his arms. It was a scene to cherish and behold. I slept after ages like a log and that too without any sedative.
F.I.R and tons of formalities later, Meena was officially our daughter. Within a year we adopted Enna whose parents died in terrorism attack and this poor girl was left homeless. My life was complete. I thought so..untill….
It was a beautiful morning, kids were playing in the garden. Veer was getting ready for the office and I was in the kitchen, when phone bell rang. Veer picked the phone.
‘Hi, Rizvi…’ Rizvi was D.I.G. and our family friend.
'yeah…oh..’
‘OK..lemme ask her,’ I was standing besides him, he looked at me, with a smile in his eyes and said in a very soft voice.
‘Again..one more…a gal…what say? We looked at each other, and smiled we both knew the answer.
I called the kids and told them about our new member. They were excited more than we were. Thus, Deeka entered our paradise and made it more vibrant and lively.
This was my heaven, which my God refused to give me. This was self-sent gift to myself, when He snatched everything from me. These were my blessings that I showered upon myself when He was bestowing His mercies on the world.
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